You have one too.

Last night I was giving the Albot a cuddle and a little rock to help him to get to sleep. He was sucking his thumb (his right one, his favourite) like he likes. He reached up his left arm and gave me his left thumb to suck.

‘There you go Dad, you have one too.’

How to be a dad.

So, I’ve made it through almost 6 months of parenting without killing or even maiming Albot. This qualifies me to dish out advice to new dads (or those about to join the gang). So here are my top tips.

1. Never think you’ve cracked it. Because you haven’t, you might work out that he likes some milk, then a little cuddle, then to be put in his cot. That might work great for a while but then: no. That isn’t how he wants to go to sleep. Think again. This applies to EVERYTHING.
2. Hit the gym. Babies get heavy quickly. Albot was born at 6 pounds 3 ounces, that’s less than 3 kilos. He now weighs 16 pounds 12 ounces which is 7 kilos. That might not seem like much, but when you have to pick him up off the floor a hundred times a day, gently place him in a cot several times a day and carry him around in a carrier for hours you’ll know about it (and your back will HURT!).
3. Don’t listen to experts/forums/anyone trying to give you advice. This might sound crazy but you can find an expert to tell you anything about your baby, that’s your baby that they haven’t met and they don’t know. Also you can easily find several experts to give you completely conflicting advice. It seems with babies you don’t need to have any scientific or factual evidence; you can just dish out any random advice. Most of it is rubbish. You’ll soon work out what your baby likes and what he wants you to do, so do that!
4. Let people help. If you find yourself out with friends or family and one of them asks ‘Do you want me to hold him while you eat your lunch/have your coffee/have use of both of your arms for a bit.’ They are actually asking ‘Can I hold him please?’ so let them. Take advantage of the break and wave your arms about a bit.
5. Don’t be competitive. ‘Oh, your baby can’t rollover yet? MY baby has been rolling over for aaaages.’ Makes you sound like a dick (because you are being a dick). By the time they are a year all babies can roll over and crawl, what advantage did they get from being able to do it a week earlier? None.

I know none of this is practical advice but see point number 3.

Have fun!

A Bed/Skeleton Tyre Row

That’s an anagram of Albert Ernest Keywood.Anagrams are fun!

http://wordsmith.org/anagram/index.html

Inflammatary parenting article of the week

Ban under-threes from watching television, says study

That’s a headline on the Guardian today. Turns out if you let a child under 3 watch any television at all they will turn into obese zombies.

Terrifying stuff!

Things like this are so pointless, it’s obviously not good to sit your kid in front of the TV all day, but parents who give a shit already don’t and the parents who don’t give a shit will anyway.

This study might help me to convince Kazio to stop watching Geordie Shore though!

Let’s go on Holibobs!

I’m taking a break from not writing this blog to go on holiday. We’ve spent the last few weeks planning and trying to sort out Albot’s stuff to take with us. It’s not like packing for yourself where you just chuck some t-shirts and shorts in a bag. Here’s a list of what we are taking for him:

New smaller pushchair (Optimus Pram is a beast, the plane would never take off)

UV protection sun shade tent

• Sterilser
• Sterilser tablets
• Bottles
• Baby milk
• Baby rice
• Nappies
• Swimming nappies
• Fold up playmat
• Weening bowl
• Baby spoon
• Blankets
• Baby towels
• Assorted clothes
• Assorted toys

We also have to navigate the minefield of taking baby food on the plane. Turns out you can take liquids on the plane if they are for babies. They may ask you to taste it to prove it’s OK though. I hope they don’t I’ve tried baby milk before and it’s not nice. Albot likes it though and that’s what counts.

I’m well excited to take the little guy on holiday, we can take him swimming every day, he bloody loves swimming. I’ve got an underwater camera to try and get some pics of him, I’ll put them on here if they are any good.

Little thing you may not know: Baby’s passports are valid for five years. His picture was taken a couple of months ago and he already looks completely different so by the time he’s five that picture will be unrecognisable!

Busy.

I haven’t blogged for ages as it turns out that having a newborn is actually quite time consuming!

It really is relentless, there is always something to do, something to clean, something to sterilise, something to change, pull faces at, sing to, feed, cuddle, play with…

Look at him though, what a super little guy, what else would you rather do than play with him?

Here he is.

So after much build up, nine months of it in fact here he is: Albert Ernest Keyboard.

Electro name: Albot Keyboard

Codename: The Knife

Newborn with black eye:

Moody black and white:

Using an invisible old fashioned phone:

“Hello there.”